Cultivating Oneness: 1-Year Marriage Reflection
1 Corinthians 12:4-5: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud.
This year FLEW by! I learned much about myself, marriage, and God this last year. I am in a season I prayed for, and I am so grateful. I shared a snippet of what I learned in my first year: prayer, being content, and failing. I want to add a few more to that list: grace, patience, and sex. Yeah, we're going to talk about it!
Love is patient, love is kind...
I wore several hats in my single season, which only increased when I married. However, initially, the Wife hat felt like breaking into a new pair of tight leather shoes, uncomfortable. The wedding hype had simmered, and the newlywed honeymoon phase started. While that was beautiful, Curtis and I entered our marriage as very established individuals. We were set in our ways in some things and had to learn how to consider each other in our everyday thoughts and actions. I thought I was patient before meeting my husband. BUT...my husband has tested and pushed buttons I didn't even know existed! My immediate reaction to this would have been being petty, rude, or angry. But the scriptures that kept me at bay was 1 Corinthians 12:4-5: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. I did not always follow this, but I often kept it in my mind because I knew how hurtful it would be to our marriage if biblical principles weren't applied to everyday circumstances.
I was often busy focusing on "perfecting" my role rather than having God lead me to progress into wifehood in marriage...
With patience came increased prayer life and grace for my husband and me. I would be so hard on myself for not getting this wife thing down. The spirit of pride would get the best of me; perfectionism is not what I should strive for. My husband and I discussed how we could have done a better job this year cultivating oneness. There were moments of selfishness, failure, pride, and envy, which affected our connection and sex life. I was often busy focusing on "perfecting" my role rather than having God lead me to progress into wifehood in marriage. I talk a lot about my celibacy journey and how that journey has led me to marriage. Learning about myself and my husband has opened my eyes to what God desires for us in marriage. We realized how the minor things that go unsaid or unspoken expectations could affect the bedroom space. We have done a better job of bringing EVERYTHING to God in prayer.
One thing for sure, and two things for certain, is that my love for my husband has amplified this last year. I look at my life and who my husband is and thank God daily for our union. God has favored us in so many ways this past year. I am also grateful for our community for friends and family. I'll talk about the transitioning space that happens with the community in another blog. Until then, we're one year down and a lifetime to go! #SemplySingleton forever!